Losing and Gaining friends
Losing a friend is something I dare say everyone out there has tried. It’s' a natural thing you’ll experience multiple times throughout your life, you may grow to be too different from each other, end up on different schools and so on. But I have also realized growing up, that the meaning of a friend, has changed a lot from when I was in kindergarden. In school a friend would be the ones you ate lunch with, sat with in class and discussed the latest school gossip with. This simple yet superficial kind of friendships, I've come to learn aren’t the ones that last.
Being in my early twenties, not going to school anymore, I’ve found myself suddenly feeling really lonely. All of these meaningless friendships I used to have disappeared with the blink of an eye. Everyone is suddenly working, traveling and showing off their best lives on social media, moving away from our hometown while im here feeling stuck. Still living with my parents, mainly talking to my two best friends and let’s be real, feeling like a complete loser!
When I look back I know i’ve always only had 2 or 3 close friends, so why is it that I first now feel lonely and like im not where im supposed to be? It’s not like I haven’t lost friends before, i’ve lost quite a few actually, but why is the feeling of losing friends so different now?
Besties by choice
Just a little picture to spice the blog up. My all time best friend and I went to Birmingham in 2023 to see Gracie Abrams.
Remember to appreciate the friends that always treat you right, the ones you know will always be there when you actually need them. And I don’t mean like just the friends you see everyday and have fun with, but the ones you know would ditch everything to be there for you when hell is breaking loss.
Those are the ones you need to fight for, always <3
There’s of course a somehow logical reason in that I don’t see people my age everyday in school anymore like I used to. Even though it’s the absolute worst feeling to feel lonely, it’s in its very own way also a blessing. Stay with me for a sec on this one alright! I know it sucks like REALLY sucks feeling like you have 2-0 close friends and everyone around you is getting a boyfriend/girlfriend while you’re there single as a pringle during the holidays right. BUT this is also the time you’ll know who truly are there for you and care about you. Even if that is none of the people you used to talk to, you now have to fantastic chance to appreciate yourself enough to actually find friends who care. I know I know, “it’s not easy just finding new friends in your twenties”, it fore sure isn’t I'll give you that, but you’re also in a place where you most likely have the opportunity to pick up a new hobby, go to a concert alone, go to a coffee shop or the park, I can almost garnety you’ll find someone who’ll want to talk to you. It’s in our nature to want a “pack” and I promise you that you’re not the only one out there feeling lonely and in the need of new people in your life. Also you know what, fuck that feeling of everything not going your way! stop feeling bad for yourself, life is supposed to suck sometimes and the only reason it sucks is because of your mindset. So what you lost that horrible friend who got with your ex and hurt you like hell, that was supposed to happen and it’s a good thing it did. I wouldn’t be the same person today, if she hadn’t done that to me.
I heard a podcast the other day actually (can’t remember the name, will update this as soon as I remember), this girl in the podcast explained a way to think that actually changed my perspective of life completely. She told this story of two people driving in a car on their way to a meeting, on the way there they get into a car accident. They both get out from the car with almost no scratches. The first person is so angry and annoyed by the accident that it ruins their whole day, they go home having the worst day of their lives, which turns into the worst week in the worst year ever. The second person gets out of the car and smiles. This person is extremely happy that they experienced the accident and got out completely unharmed, they go home happy believing that it was exactly what was supposed to happen. Maybe there would have happened something horrible at the meeting, so wow that’s amazing that the accident kept them away.
This simple change in the way you think about bad things happening to you, will really do wonders for your mental state of mind. After listening to this podcast I slowly started to practise thinking like this on my own. I quickly began being able to see how everyone around me would rather focus on the bad things and believe that “oh this person did this to me and it’s completely horrible, they’re the worst! why is everyone around me a bunch of bitches only trying to hurt me”. I realized that I too had been thinking that way about everything in my life, and that’s when the change really started to happen for me.
Suddenly it actually wasn’t such a bad meaningless experience when my ex treated me like shit and my best friend at the time moved across the country to be with him after we broke up instead of being with me. Like yeah I lost a person I thought was my good friend, but what’s amazing about it, is that she removed herself from me so I didn’t have to deal with her fake ass anymore. You know, that’s how life works. Life finds its way for making everything end up just like how it’s supposed to be.
So if you’re out there feeling misserable for losing a friend, or are having a hard time gaining new ones. Then take this as lifes own wicked way of helping you, help yourself. Stop worrying about everyone else, start working on yourself and making YOU happy. I promise you that when you stop worrying and start living, all these kinds of people you want in your life, they’ll start showing up when you least expect it.
I truly hope this somehow helped you, even if it just made you think about your situation or a previous one.
Thanks for reading my thoughts this time <3
xoxo Marinella